Written by Nell Elliott

My dog Laslo and I visit the dog park for him to get verified on an idea of his beauty, the other dogs are soooo… friendly.  Yes, I know it is a dog thingy, but we all have the creativity to make up our own stories.  I have a long history of original stories.  I tell stories like I paint, wide brush and bold colors.

Today with a cuppa Starbucks in hand, my cushion for comfort on a metal picnic table, I was joined by Gary and his young black dog, about 50 pounds, full of energy.  He told me that he had taken her, the dog, to the open all night emergency animal hospital.  I looked for splints and shaved parts where stitches could be visible, but turns out convulsions awakened him at 2:30 A M and a thousand dollars later he left the clinic with a bottle of drugs.

Gary said he had been in ER himself 6 times in the last 6 months because of stress related to his work.  He came ‘to’ and changed companies.  Capitol One!  (Remember the T V ad showing cave men dramatizing ‘what’s in your wallet’).   The last three weeks at this new job had given him such a boost in identity, self love and understanding he brought his dog to the park to play and for the next two hours he talked about his new ‘life’.

Two steps up the authority ladder from him is a Vietnamese who reminds him often to use his own innate ability in solving problems (and training, I’m sure), to go to the gym, provided by the company, for relaxation and energizing workouts and if need be, take a day off to balance his life.

My response to his interesting history of Capitol One, first being a credit card company and now being and buying other banks, was that his angels were strong and able bodied to get his attention insisting on him to change companies.  He heartily agreed (to the angel idea, that is).  Why did I listen for two hours?  What a gift to me….and him, as well.  We then talked about the importance of listening.

Michael Bernard Beckwith, of the movie “The Secret” notoriety and founder of Agape International Movement, says on his recording of Life Visioning Process that REVERENT ATTENTION is listening.  To pay attention as if the thing you will hear is the most important thing you will ever hear.  He follows that saying that people are often healed when someone listens.  Listening is usually acting  interested but waiting anxiously to give your 2 cents.  His focus is to have you learn to hear in inaudible voice of God through your intuition.

Another young man, to graduate in May next year from UNT joined our ‘wafting love fest’ to tell us he wants to be a high school teacher.  He has listened to his Dad, who is a fourth grade teacher, over the years.  His Dad has told him not to be friends with his students, be a teacher.  We all three were fed on the simplicity, sharing, caring and BEING.

That brings me to report, in my opinion, we have a built in meter that lets us know when we resist or accept our environment, both verbal and physical,  When events happen that  we resist, instantly we feel bad.  When we are in a loving space we instantly feel good. So, when we feel bad we can release the resistance, not give it a dwelling or live with it.  I have found that there is a tightness in my chest or stomach when resistance is present.  The pain there, in chest or tummy, is powerful enough to let you know that the ‘resistance/pain’ wants out.

As simple as asking yourself “do I want to feel this pain, give it energy so that it will grow or do I want to let it go?”  It is that simple.  Choose to feel good and love your self (give your self approval) or feel badly and beat your self up.  By realizing the event or person that one may feel resistance to is outside of self.  In side self is the power to overlook it, move over, leave, bless it, whatever is appropriate, and that will be known when you are listening to the inaudible voice of God.

Gary also told me about a friend who took her dog to an emotional therapist at $300 an hour.

Busy being happy,

Image: Idea go / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Nell

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Can you hear me now?  That’s a question that many laugh and joke about because of the well known commercials on television. It’s about getting a good enough signal to talk on a cell phone and how one cell phone offers better service than another.

Why not offer the service of listening to our fellow man? Yet, so often, we are too caught up in the things we want to say and we don’t actually hear the things others are saying to us.

This is the sad truth.

The older I get the smarter my mom was. My mom said “God gave you two ears and one mouth.”
Listen more than you talk.   Actually, there is more to it than that.

What do we have to say for ourselves? We could call it self absorption. Like most things in life if we are not taught the correct way to do a thing we will do it by default which is usually totally incorrect.

Developing good listening skills and learning to listen can improve friendships, gather more friends, and has been called one of the secrets to a happy life.

When we listen with a purpose a new life opens up to us. Learn this skill well and it will reward you greatly.

Some listening tips if person to person

1. Lean forward in your chair
2. Look the person in the face
3. Concentrate on what is being said
4. Look for body language/movements-beyond the words
5. Listen for content and emotions
6. Repeat what the person says
7. Do not allow interruptions and do not interrupt.
8. State your opinions

Tips for telephone listening.

1. Do not multi task.
2. Do take notes if possible
3. Do not interrupt
4. Concentrate on what is being said.
5. Repeat back what was stated to insure you got it correct.
6. State your opinions only after they have finished.

Listening doesn’t mean you sit still, look in the direction of the person, and never speak a word. It does mean you hear what they are saying. Hearing takes more than a pair of healthy ears. It means you tune in. Pretend like you have radio tuners built into your head, you have to train yourself to tune in to that’s person’s frequency. Based on what they are saying, you should have a response.

“I remind myself every morning: Nothing I say this day will teach me anything. So if I’m going to learn, I must do it by listening.” Larry King.

When you don’t have anything else to give, listen. Listening is like giving someone a surprise wrapped up in a pretty box. As they begin to talk to you and they see you are hearing what they have to say, they open the box a little more until they are totally exposed before your eyes.

In the act of listening, you have given something precious to a person who will cherish the time you spent with them.

Honor Yourself!

Image: Michal Marcol / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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So, I will remember to turn from a conversation that is upsetting and make my own mental pictures.  I will tell others, too, how I was able to change my feelings by cutting pictures I liked and pasting them on my bulletin board.

Nell Elliott

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 STRENGTHS FINDERS by TOM RATH

Last month I exclaimed my surprise when learning what others in the book club enjoyed reading.  And, that I found an understanding of my so called difference in tastes for books when reviewing Tom Rath’s: STRENGTHS FINDERS.

If you have had time to read the book and get the code from the questions you answered on the computer you may have been as informed as I was.  I mentioned that the strengths named as a result of the poll seemed to give me permission to believe the traits as gifts, not flaws.  For example, the first sentence under the title ADAPTABILITY stated “You live in the moment”.  I saw that as being self centered.  “You don’t see the future as a fixed destination”. Among other things that meant, mostly, that I changed my mind in the middle of the stream.  However, when digesting the whole paragraph and reading the examples of others who are adaptable, I felt as if I had met an old friend.

CONNECTEDNESS

Using my own definition, not what one could find in the dictionary, I judged connectedness to mean ‘co-dependent’.  And, of course, that was not a designation I wanted to be caught dead in.  Rereading the carefully structure definition, which soon said: “In your soul you know we are all connected.  Yes, we are individuals, responsible for our own judgments and in possession of our own free will, but nonetheless we are part of something larger”.  If my memory serves, I felt…”someone’s been reading my mail”  as if I had been ‘found out’.  Now, I do not own the belief that I have secrets and delight in people chancing to see me naked.  With out masks or pretense.

The third gift I bare to the world is WOO.

Even though the feeling is long gone and there us no punch to the memory, I do recall that I regarded this trait as embarrassing and humiliating.  “You enjoy the challenge of meeting new people and getting them to like you.  Strangers are seldom intimidating to you, but can be energizing” the book says.  My inner voice criticized me relentlessly when ever demonstrating WOO.  Even though I have the best time when initiating with those I have not met, I was sure it was rude to wrap it up and move on to the next stranger, a friend I had to get to know.

My new view was brought to life reading and rereading information on the science behind Strengths Finder and detailed reports of Gallup’s research on this topic that can be found http://sf2.strengthfinder.com/faq

If I didn’t have a working knowledge and understanding of my own preferences , for many years, …well, that is embarrassing and humiliating!

Nell Elliott

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January 10th, 2012 is a date to mark in 2012 Almanac. Why? Many friends, to name them: Judy, Virginia, Rosamond, Emma and Cheryl joined us, Harriette Blye and Nell Elliott to set the beginning meeting.

They set the standard for’ being safe’ with our relations, acknowledging themselves and each other.  Discussions are private  and confidential; however, there were lots of laughter and hugs.  Occasions like this one are remembered…for years if not for life times.

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“If you attack another person’s beliefs, you are creating an enemy.”
Dennis Waitley

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We haven’t had a surprise like this one, that I can remember, a prediction that the end of time has been on the books (Aztec calendar, that is) for a long time.

I recall a few years ago that the threat of computers going down because the programmers had not used the first two digits of the century and it was not certain what would happen when the clock ended 12-31-99 and ticked on into 1-00

There was panic in some minds and hearts.

Some folks stored extra food. Some people, the newscasters reported on national T V stations, feared personal invasions and bought guns.

How does one protect themselves from ‘the end of time’.

The new year of 2012 will have many changes in many towns and cities for many citizens. For example, each of us grows older. New babies are born. There are deaths. All these events mark the end of something and the beginning of another.  If a baby has come into your life and routine you can rest assured your life will not be the same.

If you have reached the time of entering college, the time to go for war, time for filing for divorce, going to jail, losing your home, been in a fire, flood, tornado….when you experience life each hour, each day, in a sense, that can be the end of a “time”. Perhaps you have had events in 2011 by which you will mark time. Sharing with a friend the value of celebrations and the burden of drama can also be ‘remarkable’.

One of my sons remarked “when I was young and heard you and Dad saying you remembered 20 years ago I was in awe. Now that I can say that, I am viewing it differently”. Sounds like another story of ‘end of time’.

The method we use to put to ease the alarming happenings and gleeful occasions of daily life is legend. Some find a helpful, personal way, is to write in a journal. There is, often, cleansing when surprising words flow from our pen when journal keeping. When the thoughts are freed from guilt, shame, or regret by the simple exercise of free flow writing, even writing with the non dominate hand, is comforting and rewarding. Another way is talking.

If the story has been such that it has not been heard…aloud…by you…to you…for you, it can be as freeing as writing. However, retelling more than once or twice can be detrimental to the “ending the time” of that story. Retelling can be energizing to the emotions, such as happy emotions as well as uncomfortable emotions. Repeating the event in thought or verbally, over and over, can often seal the story, deeply, in memory.

Sister Safe Talk is a comforting way to have new ears hear your story. Or if not a story, just to say, to another person who has had a similar twist, what is on your mind, in safety and acceptance.

2012 could be just what you have been wishing for…the whole year! Come join us for a morning meeting or after work.   Written by: Nell Elliott 

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What could be finer than the fall we have experienced lately, including the slow, much needed rain.  We do not have the radiant colors on trees in North Texas as we see in magazine pictures in the north and east and in the mountains out west. 

However, have you taken notice of the sunsets of late. 

 Breathtaking!

The change from l00 plus degrees of heat to cool nights and warm afternoons catches our attention, and gives rise to being glad, thankful, even, that we completed summer.  Soon we will be into winter coats and marveling over the speed of coming to the end of another year.

Changing seasons puts me in a mood to number the goals reached, victories celebrated, and all the laughter we have experienced.  Oh, yes, there have been other emotional stories that developed, sometimes monthly, weekly or in a day.  If that has happened to you, leaving a quickening in your heart and midriff, then you will be glad to find http://SistersSafeTalk.org

 Harriette and I have benefited greatly by having a place and friend to share “what’s up”.  The bonding and unity that occurs when sharing, in comfort and trust, is  priceless. 

 A quote from Dave G. Llewelyn: ‘Just being there for someone can sometimes bring hope when all seems hopeless.:

We have changed the meeting place for our gatherings. Both morning and evening gatherings are on the same day, Tuesday, starting November 8th, 2011, then the schedule will be every other week at Shambhala Wellness Center, 215 East University, Denton, 76209. 

You will feel calm seated in overstuffed chairs in a room lighted by winter’s south sun during the morning meeting starting at 10:00 AM, for an hour.

For those who are occupied during the day you can meet in the evening at 7:00 to 8:00 PM.

Tell us when you plan to be there, by phone or email, as there will be those wanting to meet and greet you.

 Article by Nell Elliott

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First, one has to feel safe to speak openly from the heart and expose themselves totally. I am an open person and there have been times and places that I will not open up and speak freely because the environment I am in is not conducive to speaking my feelings.

The key to expressing ourselves verbally is being in a safe place with people who truly listen to what we have to say. We are not always looking for answers, we are looking for expression.

Talking in a safe place about what is on your mind helps you put things into the proper order. Things that seem overwhelming can become minimized by talking about the challenge to an outside person without emotional attachment to the issue who truly listens to us is extremely healthy.

It is interesting that our thoughts lead to our feelings and most times our feelings lead to behavior good or not. If you are having negative thoughts you can flip them in an instant by talking openly about them without condemnation from the listener.

Hermann Hesse says, “Everything becomes a little different as soon as it is spoken out loud.”

The point I am making is when you put your thoughts out there in the open you can find clarity and peace as well. Opening up and talking freely is like letting pent up emotions flow out and is replaced by a serene calmness. It can be quite a wonderful experience.

Lets face facts. Do you agree that is so much easier to talk about happy times and events than difficult and challenging times? When you realize there is nothing new under the sun, and you begin to talk about what is going on in your life you realize you no longer have to face setbacks in the lonely oneness of your mind.

Being a good talker is good but being a good listener is Great. I am sure there have been times in your life when you were not able to talk. You just wanted to figure out the situation in your head, because you feel stuck.

These are times when not talking about what is on your mind may be emotionally healthy. The time will come when you want to express your feelings verbally and only you will know when the time is right for you. If you find yourself in this situation listening to others can be very helpful and give you valuable insight into your own issues.

If exercising is good to release stress, so is talking and releasing your fears, sharing your joys and happy times is a big stress buster. Let others celebrate with you.

Finally talking to another person about what is going on in our lives (good and bad) is a basic need. Some of us drift alone in our lives fearful and feeling alone. Some of us fear we will not be accepted because of our differences and the multitude of things that make us unique. What better way to understand others different from us than to listen intently to their lives through their eyes?

I don’t know how you feel about this but I am on a natural high with anticipation of the myriad of wonderful sisters I can meet and learn from this journey.

How about you?

Honor yourself

Written by: Harriette Blye

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